Non Veg Jokes
Sex Quotes/ Dirty One Liner
Dirty One Liners I
The word of the day is “legs.” Let’s go back to my place and spread the word.
A cat falls into the water & the rooster laughs. What’s the moral of the story??? A wet pu**y alway’s makes a happy c*ck.
Do you know what I like in a girl? My dick.
You must be a general, cause my privates just snapped to attention!
Where you born on a farm? Cause you sure know how to raise a cock!
I don’t know much about pies but DAMN you make my banana cream.
There are 206 bones in the human body… do you want another one?
Nice legs, what time do they open?
You’re like a prize winning fish. I dont know whether to eat you or mount you.
If you were a car door, I would slam you all night!
Screw me if I am wrong, but haven’t we met before?
That shirt is very becoming on you, but if I was on you I’d be coming too!
Use index finger to call someone over then say, “I made you come with one finger, imagine what I could do with the rest.”
Santa’s lap isn’t the only place wishes come true.
dirty one liners
I made you come with one finger, imagine what I could do with my whole hand.
“Excuse me, do you have the time?” You: “Do you have the energy?”
Are you free tonight or will it cost me?
At the office copy machine “Reproducing eh?” “Can I help?”
Baby, I’m an American Express lover….you shouldn’t go home without me!
Brrr! My hands are cold. Can I warm them in your heaving breasts?
Can I flirt with you?
Funny Quotes
- It’s so long since I’ve had sex, I’ve forgotten who ties up whom.
- If it wasn’t for pick-pockets and frisking at airports I’d have no sex life at all
- Sex is one of the most wholesome, beautiful and natural experiences that money can buy
- My girlfiend said to me in bed last night’ ‘you’re a pervert’ I said, ‘that’s a big word for a girl of nine
- When I’m good I’m very, very good but when I’m bad I’m better
- What’s wrong with a little incest? It’s both handy and cheap
- I think people should be free to engage in any sexual practices they choose; they should draw the line at goats though
- My wife is a sex object. Evertime I ask for sex, she objects
- I’m such a good lover because I practice a lot on my own
- A terrible thing happened to me last night again
SEX ONE LINERS
What is the difference between a geneologist and a gynecologist?
A geneologist looks up your family tree and a gynecologist looks up your bush.
Why did the bald man cut holes in his pockets?
So he could run his fingers through his hair.
Whats the difference between a microwave and a woman.
A microwave doesn’t scream when you put a piece of meat in it.
What do elephants use for tampons?
Sheep.
Where does an Irish family go on vacation?
A different bar.
Did you hear about the Chinese couple that had a retarded baby?
They named him Sum Ting Wong.
Why aren’t there any Puerto Ricans on Star Trek?
Because they’re not going to work in the future, either.
What do you call an Alabama farmer with a sheep under each arm?
A pimp.
What do you get when you cross Billy Ray Cyrus and a yeast infection?
An itchy, twitchy twat.
What did one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob?
If we don’t get some support soon, people are going to think we’re nuts.
Why is being in the military like a blow-job?
The closer you get to discharge, the better you feel.
What has a whole bunch of little balls and screws old ladies?
A bingo machine.
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