Non Veg Jokes
Sex stories
Tansen Birbal
Ek din tansen birbal se bolla ki mein tujhe meri puri property de dunga, agar tune rani ke boobs chuse tho. Birbal tension mein akar bolla mein tujhe kar ke dikhata hu. Dusre Din Birbal ne Rani ke dasi ko khujli ka pawder diya aur kaha ki rani ke boobs ki mssage kardo dasi ne massage kardi. Thodi der ke baad rani ke boobs khujane lagi tho rani chilakar Akbar ke pass gai akbar ne birbal ko bulaya aur bolla ki kya kare tabhi birbal ne kaha ki kissi samajdar admi se rani ke boobs chuswahiye pure duniya mein birbal se samajdar koi nahi tha, tho birbal ne hi chusse aur tansen ko bi dikhaya. Tansen yre dekh kar hairan ho gaya aur birbal ne sari property uske naam par karne ko kaha tansen apni baat se mukar gaya. Birbal ko ye baat pata thi tho usne tansen se kaha ki Meine Akbar ke payjame mien bhi khujli ka pawder daldiya hai aur usse kaha hai ki kissi ache gane wale se Lund chuswaiye.
Callgirl ke Sabjee ke Dukaan
1 Callgirl ne apna CHUDAYEE ka dhanda chod kar Sabjee ke dukan dalee. Chate sab pahuch gaye Callgirl ke dukan par.Chate sab ne pucha KARAYLA ketne ka diya. Callgirl ko apnay purane Dhande ke addat the,usne apne 2 now BOOL he laye. Chate sab bole kya matlab. who boli 2 Rs kelo. Fir Chate Sab ne Mulee ke puri gathee ka Rate pucha, Callgirl apna pura blowoze khol kar 2 now BOOL he lanay lage. Chate sab ne pucha kya matlab. Callgirl boli 2 Rs me puri gathee le low. Chate sab bhe bade sexy they. unhoney pyaaze ( onion ) ka Rate pucha Sabjiwale Callgirl ne apnee sadee utha ke CHUT Batane lage. Chate sab bole kya matlab. Callgirl boli 50/- Rs K.g. Tho fir kya Chate sab ne apna LUND nekalkar 2 now gotteya helane lagay. Callgirl boli kya matlab, sab bole 100/- Rs me 2 now de do.
NAYEE PAR 25 SAL PURANI
1 Din Chate Sab ka LUND badhe chodu mud me tha. Fir kya Chate Sab 1 Callgirl ke addye par chale gaye.Wha par bahut saree Callgirl the. 1 Callgirl ne chate sab ko chalne ko kha. Chate sab ne pucha tumhara RATE kya hay. Chate sab ka gawar pan dekha kar Callgirl boli 1 CHUDAYEE ka 2000/- Rs hay. Chate sab bole itna Q. Callgirl boli may NAYEE hu mujha may sama kar kho jaoge. Andar Kamre me ja kar Chate sab ne jaise he Callgirl ke Lattakte CHUT dekhe to who pareshan ho gaye, fir soch kay NAYEE hay bahut CHUDAYEE hogi is leye latak gaye hogi. Jaise he Chate sab ne pure josh me apna LUND dala to Chate sab ke LUND ke sath GOTTYA bhe CHUT me chale gaye. Chate sab bole are tum ne to kaha tha tum NAYEE ho fir yhe kya hay. Calllgirl boli SAB MERA NAAM NAYEE HAY PAR CHUT WAHE 25 SAL PURANE HAY……
jhuut se ho gaye Saale ke Chuddaye
1 Din Chate Sab Apni Biwe Ke Sath Sex Kar Rahe They. Sex Kartey Samaye Biwe Badee Chekh Rahe Thee. Chellanay Ke Awaz Suun Kar Chate Sab Ke Saale Jaag Gaye.Thodi Der Bad Deedi Ke Kamray Ke Taraf Ja Kar Dekha Too Deedi Baed par Naggge so rahe the. Subha chotee bahan ne apni deedi ko pucha tum rat ko Q Chekha rahey the. Deedi shoch kar boli are yahe to mujhe se choti hay esay kya batoo. Mera peth dukha raha tha is leye tumhare Jejja je se INJECTION laga rahe the. Fir tum BED par NAGGGE Q soo rahe the. Deedi boli are yahe peth ka injection hay NAGGA go kar he lena padta hay. 1 din Chate Sab ke Biwe Goan challe gaye. Raat ke 10 baaje rahe they chate sab ke saale ka peth Thoda dukhnay laga. Saale ne socha ke Q na may bhe Deedi ke tarha JEEJA je se injection laga luu. salee chate sab ke pass ja kar boli Jeeja je mujhe bhe injection laga do mera peth dukha raha hay. Chate sab pareshan ho gaye are essay kaise patta chala. Saale bar-bar kahanay lage jeeja je mujhe injection laga do. Chate sab bhe apni saale ke CHUT dhekh ne ka aaisa muka kha chodtey. Chate sab ne saale ko andar kamrey me le gaye NAGGE ke saale ke Tanggey uttha ke CHUT me LUND Daal diya. 2 ray din jab Chate sab ke biwe ghar aye to Chate shab ke saale ne apni deedi se kaha deedi mera kal rat bahut peth dukha raha tha too many bhe jeeja je se aap ke tarha injection LAGGA liya DEEDI jor se Cheelakay boli Are CHHHENAL WHA INJECTION NAHE THA WHA TOO TERE CHUDAYYE HO GAYE.
If your Sex Life is a boring routine READ THIS
Mocking a man
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A Letter to My Lover
My Darling,
In your earlier mail you wanted me to paint a picture if you happen to pick me up from my office and go over to my place for a quickie. My dear, just go through the following paragraphs.
…the things I would do to you if you were here with me right now…
I would start by slowly drawing you near to me, kissing you ever so softly, passionately, on your lips… savouring the taste of you… running my hands over your great body memorizing each and every curve with my hands.
You would run your fingers through my hair and pull me closer, pressing your lips harder against mine, so hungry for my kisses. I begin to feel your hardness grinding against my pussy through our clothes. I can’t wait to get you inside of me…. but first, I want to play a bit, get both of us REALLY excited, and get me dripping wet so that your gorgeous cock can slide in with ease.
You begin to play with my breasts through my blouse, eagerly pulling at my erect nipples, teasing me… you know I like it rough there. My blouse is now unbuttoned, sliding off of my shoulders exposing my red and black lace bra. You start kissing down my neck to my chest, over my breasts and then pull down one cup so that you can taste my nipples. You playfully nibble on me as I moan with pleasure and draw you nearer, unbuttoning your shirt now, and then moving down to your pants.
You remove my bra, fumbling a bit with the clasp, and then move down to slid off my curve-hugging pants. You see a matching black and red lace thong on which turns you on even more. You turn me around, arms around my waist, one hand sliding down into my thong, over my now dripping pussy. You bend me over and slide the thong over my ass, down to my ankles, taking care to kiss the globes of my ass and place a kiss over my wet hole on the way down.
Now that my panties are off you can see my womanhood in all its glory, clean shaven lips glistening with my wetness and a bit of neatly trimmed (naturally black) hair on my mound. You lean in once again, this time licking my slit all the way from one end to the other, not missing a spot, savouring the taste of me. You turn me over once again and lay me down on the bed; legs spread wide giving you complete access to me. You kiss my inner thigh working your way down to where my luscious pussy meets in a crease and then again on the other side. Hovering over my lips you just breathe, letting me feel that hot breath making me want your tongue all over me even more than I already do. Finally your tongue finds my slit and licks me from my hole all the way up to my clit and then you start to suck on my now engorged pearl.
I am already so hot for you that I can almost feel the beginnings of my climax in only a minute’s time. Watching you go down on me and enjoy it is the ultimate turn on. You lick and suck my pussy, getting gradually faster with your strokes and harder in your sucking until I explode in ecstasy in your mouth. I thank you for the great show and begin to return the favour.
You are already rock hard as I draw you close to my mouth. I tease you a bit with my tender kisses over your thighs, under your balls and over your shaft. I slowly trace a figure 8 over your sac with my tongue and drop down right under it, tickling you with my tongue. Your cock twitches at my playful touch and I take one LONG sweeping stroke right up the very center of you, all the way up the shaft and over the head. I hover over the head for a second and then engulf it; mmmm you taste so good honey. I start working the head sucking soft and slow at first while I tickle your balls with my hand. I slowly move my hand up around your shaft and begin to move in unison with my mouth, bobbing up and down over your big tool. I can feel you getting even harder as I continue to work. I don’t want you to cum this way; I have to feel you inside of me.
I start to make my way up your body with sweet kisses, straddling you moving up until you can feel my hot juices dripping over your hard cock. I lower myself onto you and we both let out a sigh as you enter this tight wet pussy. I rock my hips in a slow rhythm gradually increasing the tempo as we go. You put your hands on my hips and drive your cock deeper into me making me fuck you harder and faster. You feel yourself on the brink of climax and pull back; you can’t cum just yet, not with only one position. You flip me over onto my back and raise my legs above my head and onto your shoulders, pummelling this pussy nice and hard and deep. You continue to fuck me harder and faster until finally you just have to let everything go and we both cum together, soooo hard…
Our bodies collapse together and we lay still as we catch out breath, so wet, so satisfied. That is the best orgasm I believe, but we know there will be better to come, and that won’t be the last that we share…
With Love and shower of kisses,
Yours,
Misty
Costs too much
A guy was walking down the street when he sees a woman with perfect breasts.
He says to her, “Hey, miss, would you let me bite your breasts for $100?”
“Are you nuts?” she replies and walks away.
He turns around, runs around the block and gets to the corner before she does.
“Would you let me bite your breasts for $1,000?” he asks again.
“Listen, sir, I’m not that kind of woman. Got it?”
So the guy runs around the next block and faces her again.
“Would you let me bite your breasts… just once for $10,000?”
So the woman thinks about this for a while and says, “Hmmmmm, $10,000?”
She thinks a bit, “OK, but just once, and not here. Let’s go to that dark alley over there.”
So they go to the alley and she takes off her top to reveal the most perfect breasts in the world. As soon as the guy sees them, he jumps on them and starts caressing them, fondling them, kissing them, burying his face in them but not biting them. Finally, the woman gets all annoyed and says, “Are you gonna bite them or what?”
“Nah,” he replies. “Costs too much!”
I cut three inches off my dick
A man enters his favorite ritzy restaurant, and while sitting at his regular table, he notices a gorgeous woman sitting at a table nearby all alone.
He calls the waiter over and asks for their most expensive bottle of Merlot to be sent over to her, knowing that if she accepts it, she is his for the night.
The waiter gets the bottle and quickly sends it over to the girl, saying it is from the gentleman at a nearby table. She looks at the the man, then at the wine and decides to send a note over to the man.
The note read, “For me to accept this bottle, you need to have a Mercedes in your garage, a million dollars in the bank, and 7 inches in your pants.”
The man, after reading this note, sends another note to her. It read:
“Just so you will know, I happen to have a Ferrari Testarosa, a BMW 850iL, and a Mercedes 560SEL in my garage, plus I have over twenty-million dollars in the bank. But, not even for a woman beautiful as you, would I cut three inches off my dick. Just send the wine back.”
Church Bells
On hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Katie went straight to her grandparent’s house to visit her 95 year old grandmother and comfort her.
When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother replied, “He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning.”
Horrified, Katie told her grandmother that 2 people nearly 100 years old having sex would surely be asking for trouble.
“Oh no, my dear, ” replied granny. “Many years ago, realizing our advanced age, we figured out the best time to do it was when the church bells would start to ring. It was just the right rhythm. Nice and slow and even. Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the Ding and out on the Dong.”
She paused, wiped away a tear and then continued, “And if that damned ice cream truck hadn’t come along, he’d still be alive today!”
